There Are 49 Reasons to Read This Post...
It's my birthday, so this is EVERYTHING I have ever learned in photography...
I’m 49 years old today and that’s WILD.
Usually, I don’t let anyone know how old I am. If you look at Facebook or Instagram or any platform I’m on, my birthday is never listed. (I might have it listed on LinkedIn, but I can’t figure out anything there, so there’s nothing I can do.)
It’s not that I care about a number. For me being 49 or 39 or 14 or 89 doesn’t matter. I don’t want people to know when it’s my birthday because I’m a big weirdo and I feel strange when people say nice things to me.
But here I am in 2024, STILL trying to become a better person. Failing all the time, but there’s honor in trying, isn’t there?
So instead of pretending it’s not my birthday, I’m telling the WORLD and giving them a gift: 49 things I’ve learned in my long journey as a photographer.
This is the real deal in no particular order. Prepare for tremendous insight and value:
When taking photos of people, always use a wide-angle lens and get close:
Heavy metal is the best music to listen to while editing. This is the truth. The more beautiful the scene, the heavier the music required to edit the photograph. If you’re not sure, give it a try, but make sure to get hopped up on caffeine too.
Recommended for super beautiful weddings or little kid portraits: Slayer’s Raining Blood.
When people ask you what the weather is going to be, tell them with f/stops and shutter speeds. “Looks like an f/16 at 1/250 day to me.” This is especially effective to tell people who know nothing about photography.
If you want clouds in your photos, go out on days with clouds in the sky.
If there are no clouds and you want clouds but it’s not cloudy out, go out anyway… there’s always Photoshop to add the clouds in later!
People say that certain camera brands are the best in photography. They are liars. Unless they say Fujifilm.
When someone says they want to pay you in “exposure,” that’s just them saying you suck.
There are no rules in photography. The “rule” of thirds? Forget that. Center everything for a month just to spite the photography gods.
It’s not okay to give unsolicited photography advice. If someone posts a photo and the photo isn’t great, give them a like anyway and carry on. If you comment on it negatively or with advice no one asked for, you suck.
If there’s a windmill nearby, take a photo of that windmill. Or take a bunch…
Sometimes the light sucks… take photos anyway.
Sometimes the light is great… take more photos than usual.
Earlier I mentioned coffee. Drink lots of it, and if you take photos of coffee, post them on Instagram for even more juicy likes.
Likes don't matter. Not even a little bit.
Money does matter. SELL YOUR WORK!
Or don’t sell it! Sometimes having a fun hobby is fine too. But I still think you should sell your work.
If you want to do ninja photography and not be seen, Sunday morning is the BEST. Everyone’s hungover, sleeping, or at church… and often all three. The streets are empty, so go wild!
If someone says “great photo, what camera did you use,” just look them dead in the eyes and say “with a camera that costs more than your mom’s new Cadillac.” That will confuse them but it will stay with them forever.
If you are having a bad case of GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome), stop. Breathe. Count to ten. Then order the camera or lens anyway.
Remember the batteries. I remember the one wedding I was at and I had forgotten any of my extra batteries. I had my charger, though… so I just kept charging the battery every time I had a few minutes to spare. So yeah… remember extra batteries. How did the wedding go? NAILED IT.
If you are thinking about tilting the camera to create a cool angle to add to the composition… don’t. (The barn below is sliding into the void)
Or tilt the crap out of stuff. Remember - there are no rules!
When you’re shooting a wedding, it’s important to sound like you are doing your job. So at an hour-long wedding ceremony, you should be taking a photo five times every two seconds, at least.
Sony cameras have no soul.
Nikon cameras have great ergonomics, but I imagine only old people using them. Like people 49 and older.
Canon is boring.
Fujifilm is for hipsters and people who want to pretend they are taking film photos.
Is Pentax still around? They are pretty cool. Remember the K-1000? That was a tank. You can swing the K-1000 around like a weapon to fend off bears.
If there are raccoons in a tree, take a photo of the raccoons:
Old lenses can rock. I used to be a guy who would only buy new, awesome lenses… but they are pretty boring. Now I embrace the chaos of some old messed up lenses. I still buy new lenses though because I can’t help it.
The box is lying to you. More megapixels won’t make better photos.
However… more megapixels is generally better than less.
However… most of the time it doesn’t really matter if you are mostly posting online, so just get the camera that feels good in your hands.
Don’t feel bad using an automatic mode… just get the photo you love and call it a win. But make sure to tell everyone you shoot in manual mode only. Match that up with only telling people the weather in f/stops and shutter speeds, and you will become a photography god.
Print your photos every once in a while! I’m old, but I haven’t forgotten the awesomeness of printing photos in the darkroom.
Film prices are wild. Isn’t film supposed to be dead? Like, seriously… people LIKE grain now?
This bird is too far away:
Birds can see a long way, and they always run away from you, so maybe use a telephoto lens. Maybe.
Hot take: Ansel Adams is overrated.
No, he’s not. He’s awesome. I just thought of a clickbait YouTube title that would enrage people.
It’s getting harder now. This is what… number 40? Jeez. Okay, here’s one: remember to take a tripod with you, JUST IN CASE. Keep it in the car, at least, even if you don’t use it. You might use it to fight off a bear or something though, so you never know.
There are ALWAYS bears lurking. Beware.
Back of the camera’s LCD or EVF? EVF all the way.
Remember to bring bug spray. Ticks suck. One time we had dogs who brought ticks home and we didn’t know it until a few days later when the ticks were crawling around the house. I remember them on the walls and my dad smashing them with a shoe. I’ll never get that out of my memory.
When you are on a photo trip and want some snacks, make sure to feel the bag of Twizzlers while at the gas station to see if they are soft and fresh. Stay away from the hard ones… and never get the Strawberry kind.
Don’t eat Taco Bell while on the road. EVER.
Find a photography friend to hang out with. Life is better with photo friends. This is Kurt Johnson, a cult leader:
You can see I’m struggling now, even more than when I was at item 40 (that was a hard one). Unlike the first 20 items on this list, things are getting much less serious now.
When taking selfies, practice your “BLUE STEEL” look, like this perfect pose:
Last one: love your family big-time. Mine allows me to go out and take photos, trips to other states, and obsess over photography equipment. My family also doesn’t kill me when we take a 7-hour road trip that takes over 12 hours because I can’t help but stop to take photographs.
HOLY COW. Did you make it this far?
If so, thank you!
(And if you’re in Nebraska, don’t forget I have a photo trip coming up!)
Canons are not boring.
Number nine! If advice comes from someone that I know that they know their stuff and they are offering it as helpful, yes! If it’s someone making a comment to just do it then no. I will listen but that’s it.