Texas. Dust. Truth. Shadows.

I keep channeling my inner weirdness. It's wonderful.

I used to think my photography was reliant on my emotional state. If I wanted a "good" photograph, I had to be in a "good mood," right?

Well, that view of myself was shattered recently on a trip to Texas. My emotional state was more "robot" than anything else - I was in full survival mode - and the scenes I was seeing in front of me? They were pure grey.

I felt no beauty, and instead had to fall back on photography basics.

"Get close. Add layers. Create the focal point."

I thought all my photographs were going to be terrible... but instead? They are absolutely gorgeous. Some of my favorite recent work:

What's surprising is that I returned to Texas recently and felt like a million bucks. I saw and "felt" the beauty in the world... but I was betrayed.

My photos were mostly bad. Like... just objectively bad! The following two were ones I was “sure” I was “seeing” in the field. I felt the beauty. I was smiling and thinking I was making photographic home runs, when really these photos just suck:

What does all of this mean?

I have no idea. Lately, I've spending a lot of time trying to figure it out.

For instance - my YouTube channel is getting really weird.

I haven't felt like creating traditional videos - the energy for "hey, look at this camera!" just isn't there. I have always felt a little like a fraud doing these kinds of videos... and lately I just can't do it.

But, my last few? These are fun.

Each of these last two videos started off as a traditional "OM-3" review video. You've got to understand: I REALLY love the OM-System OM-3. I personally think it's the best camera every made, and it's probably the one camera I'd never get rid of it.

And... WHO FREAKING CARES! I just can't get past thinking that as I make videos designed to sell products there are immigrants in this country having their chilren ripped from their arms.

I keep asking myself: what the hell am I even doing?

And so for each of these videos, I hit a wall. My first video was going to show how amazing the incoming light from the sun was, and how a photographer can use that to find back light (specifically using the OM-3). Here's the video (WARNING - it's weird):

This next video was also going to be one in which I used the OM-3's unique capabilities to take photos of a single flower in my wife's garden.

However, as soon as I started taking photographs, I hated all the photos and declared myself a fraud. Instead of quitting the video, I dug in deep, and delved into that feeling.

I very happily titled this one, “AN EXPERIMENT IN SADNESS”:

Look.. I bet this is really messing up my YouTube algorithm. Someone goes to click on a video about a camera... and they get these videos? (I bet I have more downvotes than any of my other videos…)

But when I watch these videos again, even as I cringe, I'm realizing there's a lot of "truth" there. At times the words, the photos, the edits... they're approaching a stream-of-consciousness state I didn't know I could express with video.

I love photography… but I’m digging how video and sound and editing can express things in my soul that’s seemingly impossible in other ways. That’s SO exciting.

Could a future art show contain video? Why not? Out-of-focus photos of flowers? Absolutely. And why not mix them both with wild music and spoken word? YES.

The point is that I'm having fun being weird and sharing it with the world.

IF you'd love to talk about this kind of stuff - come and check out my community!

You won't find me on Facebook, and I hate Instagram, so I created my own thing where we can all talk about photography without an algorithm and ads.