Over the past 10-15 years of my life, I’ve struggled greatly with acceptance. It’s caused a lot of grief in my life, but I’m slowly finding my way back to living a life of appreciation.
However, every year I seem to struggle with accepting the limited time available to experience the full spectacle and grace of the fall season. As a photographer, that means I’ve driven myself to define my appreciation of the season by how many photos I’m able to capture.
No matter how many “good” photos of fall I get, I quickly dismiss them, and keep pushing myself to get “more.” In my head a clock is always ticking.
I mourn the end of the season before I even experience it.
I keep telling my wife: “Look at those trees. I have to get out to take more photos.” I’m never satisfied with the photos I’ve taken, always hyper-aware of how brief the season lasts.
It’s caused me to miss many precious moments: the sound of leaves falling to the ground. The feel of the chill air hinting at the coming winter. The feel of my wife’s hand in mine as we walk through a forest path.
It’s an endless cycle of either obsessively taking photos, or wishing I was taking photos. I’m almost never in the moment.
There’s a Japanese phrase I found recently: ichigo ichie. It translates into “one time, one meeting.”
The idea comes from Japanese tea masters of the 16th century: every gathering should be treated as if it will never happen again, because it won’t.
Ichigo ichie is, to me, slightly different than the version of “living in the moment” that I’ve heard many times before.
A slight touch of melancholy is present.
There’s a certain amount of respect I’m giving to the truth that I may never see another Fall season again. Living in the moment is great, but the moment means more when you accept that it’s leaving.
And so all the photos you see here are my attempts at respecting this philosophy over the last few days.
At 51 years old, I have, if I’m fortunate, probably 20-25 more “fall” seasons to experience.
That is NOT very many.
So I put my camera on either program or shutter mode. I chose a color profile based on how I felt at the time, and instead of taking the “best” photograph, I focused on simply making intentional photographs.
Each of these moments is absolutely unrepeatable, so chasing a “perfect” version of the scene is, and always has been, futile.
This fall, for the first time in years, I heard the sound of leaves falling.
(It sounds wonderful.)
ALL PHOTOS: OM SYSTEM PEN, OM-1 Mark II, and OM-3 with a few different lenses. All special effects were done in-camera or with a threaded filter on the lens.
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DEATH TO THE ROBOTS.
Comments? Leave them below or email me: jerredz@gmail.com
Wonderful, Jerred! I relate to feeling like the season is slipping away without enough photos but I love that you were able to connect in the moment. We forget that's what it's all about. But that moment is a precursor to better photos, and I see you made some beauties here!
I like those with blur, lovely, still more autumn photos than I did, depends on what you focus your attention to...